Being the “other woman”

“Oh gosh! What am I doing?” I thought to myself as he lightly caressed my neck while working his way to my lips.

This moment of passion came suddenly out of nowhere, even though a part of me wasn’t surprised at all.

I instantly fell for his charm and charisma when I met him about a year ago, and I know that I should let this moment pass, but if I do, I’ll live to regret it.

The concept of time seemed to disappear as we ripped each other’s clothes off, removing all inhibitions and allowing sexual instinct to take over. The pleasure I felt was like an outer body experience, eventually ending with the room spinning around as I descended back into my body.

And then there was silence. It was the quietest moment I had felt in a while, as if I was in the right place at the appointed time.

As soon as I opened my eyes to look at him, a loud bang which sounded like a train about to crash exploded in my head. That bang was the realization that I had slept with my friend’s boyfriend.

The past few months have been a constant tug of war between being with him, feeling guilty because of it and trying to get away from him only to fall back into his arms. This is an addiction, and I can’t put my finger on why I keep doing this. Is it because I’m infatuated with him? Have I fallen in love with him?

Surely one can’t be this intimate with someone and get sucked into their world without feeling something for them?

Maybe it would’ve been easier to deal with this if his girlfriend wasn’t my friend.

I feel like a home-wrecker.

I know I shouldn’t feel this way because he’s making a choice to be with me and his relationship with her has nothing to do with me, but am I the reason that he’s drifting away from her?

That can’t be because I’m not responsible for the commitment he made to her and the love he chose to give to her, but I feel like I’m now in their lives as a couple because of this affair.

He’s cheating on her with me, and I feel like I’m participating in hurting her and ruining her relationship to fulfill my own desires. It would be easier if I was a stranger, because then she would only have to deal with her boyfriend’s unfaithfulness and not with the fact that the two people she trusted betrayed her.

Maybe I’m not committed to our friendship as much as I think I am.

True friends look out for each other and wouldn’t be dishonest to each other like this. So if I was a true friend, I wouldn’t have been alone with him in the first place.

But I was.

And on some level, I feel like it should’ve been me that he decided to have a relationship with. It’s childish to think like this, I know. But I’ve been in that woman’s shadow for the longest time because she’s prettier and more outgoing than me, so guys naturally go for her.

Maybe it’s my turn to be seen.

Maybe I shouldn’t be the “other woman”, living a double life like some relationship fraud. Our secret relationship must come out into the open and stand the test of time if it’s real.

Sometimes I want him to choose between me and her, and sometimes I’m happy with the way things are because I don’t have to deal with his complexities and those of a relationship. I’m sometimes happy to leave that to her.

But I want her friendship too. I’m not ready to lose her, not like this. It’s too ugly.

Gosh, I’m so confused!

What am I even doing? Is all of this even worth it?

*image from Pexels.

*Dailypost WordPress.

18 thoughts on “Being the “other woman”

  1. Personally if you are only seeing each other to fulfill physical or sexual desire it isn’t cheating. If you plan to have a future together and are emotionally attached other than sexual then it is cheating. But then he is not you.
    If more couple would separate lust from love. If the lust isn’t there or not how you like it to be then what is the problem to get that with someone else? If you want each other to be happy and love each other give each other the space to fulfill that lust. It doesn’t say anything less about the love for each other, the opposite really.

    1. I hear you. I guess it depends on what both of you expect. If you’re happy with an open relationship, then having other partners won’t be a problem, but if you’ve decided on monogamy and then go out with other people, it’s a problem.

  2. I’ve been the ‘friend’ and as great as you feel it’s devastating in more than one way on her end to find out you’ve been betrayed twice – once by him and once by the person who was supposed to protect you from jerks like that. Even if he leaves her for you and you get that relationship you’re dreaming of he’ll always be the guy that has no problem cheating on the person he’s with so he’ll do it to you. That was the one joyous moment I got from seeing my friend’s happiness turn to the same pain I had to go through.

    Ask yourself how you’d feel if the situation were reversed and you found out your boyfriend was having an affair with your friend? Are you still okay with it?

    1. Wow, thanks for sharing. I think no friendship is worth sacrificing for a relationship, especially considering that they come and go. Sincerity and truth are rare in this world.

  3. I am sure it’s been a very confusing time for you and the roller coaster ride of emotions must be overwhelming. However, you are in fact not being true to yourself by indulging in this affair. You are hurting the friend who probably means much to you and how can you fall for someone who is cheating on your best friend, he isn’t worth even thinking about in the first place. I hope you can find your way and come out of this whole thing as a better person:) Wish you luck!.

  4. You must feel really in conflict right now. Know that you are not a bad friend, and people make mistakes. But you will never, ever regret doing the right thing. A good friend is hard to come by, and if you wouldn’t want her to do this to you, then you should not do it to her.
    Also, the guy isn’t much of a loss. Once a cheater, always a cheater. Chances are if he chose you, he would still choose another woman. Good luck with all of this!

    Much love,
    Ashley |

  5. As someone who has been cheated on, yes you are hurting your friend and it’s worse that she’s your friend. If you really like this guy, you should tell him that you won’t be with him until he breaks it off with his girlfriend. Besides that being the right thing to do, you will also know if he’s serious about you.

  6. I have been on both sides of the fence. It is hard to be the ‘other woman’ especially if you have any feelings for the guy. It will consume you and eventually, it will come to the point where it’s either the relationship with him or her. Is it just a fling? Is it love or is it purely physical? Ultimately you’ll have to decide or it will get uglier than it is.

    1. Shucks girl, that can’t be easy. I still don’t think a friendship is worth losing over a potential partner, if it’s a strong and solid friendship. Romance comes and goes, whereas real authentic friendship is hard to find.

  7. umm, Clearly you don’t value her friendship because if you would none of this would’ve happened. Friends boyfriends are off limits forever. Then again, we’re from different cultures. You said you’re not prepared to loose her but you don’t want to loose him either and this is what you should get straight and then move from there.

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