The first thing that I thought when I opened my eyes this morning was, “oh crap! Where am I?”
It took a while to figure that out.
I was on a king-sized bed with tons of naked and semi-naked people lying around me. As I tried to lift my head from the pillow, my head started to throb and I instantly felt nauseous. Without thinking, I leaped from the bed and headed straight for the bathroom so that I wouldn’t mess all over myself.
Getting rid of that amount of alcohol from my system made me feel a little better, and I realized that I was in a hotel room with my a bunch of strangers and no recollection of how I got there.
I immediately checked for my underwear, and thank God that it was still intact, which means that I didn’t engage in any orgies that seemed to take place last night… Or at least I hope that I didn’t.
I walked back to the bedroom to grab my shoes and my bag to head home. I felt like I would be doing the so-called walk of shame as soon as I stepped outside of the door, which was so unfamiliar to me.
I needed some way of looking normal because I felt like a mess. So I went back to the bathroom to wash off the smudged mascara from my face and brush my weave that turned into a fur ball.
The person that I saw in the mirror was so unfamiliar to me.
How did I get here?
Why does alcohol make me feel human again?
With it, I feel invincible.
I become confident and people are attracted to me.
With it, I feel beautiful and wanted.
People actually want to be around me.
But look at me.
My head is pounding.
I look like I’ve spent the night in a gutter.
My clothes are stained, and I smell like vomit.
The depression that I so badly want to escape from is still here.
My heart is still breaking, and I still dislike myself.
I can’t go on like this.
I need help.
I hope I don’t collapse on the side of the road while I stagger on home.
* image from Pexels.