“Why are you with a white person? Are black men not good enough for you?” they ask.
It seems that as a black woman, I am obligated to give an account of who I choose to love, and I am obligated to follow society’s dating rules. But what does my private life have to do with you?
Oh, you want to call me a coconut because I associate with non-black people? Great, please go ahead. That doesn’t at all make you small-minded and full of prejudice.
Why do you feel the need to give my partner and me long stares, as if you’re trying to figure us out? Are we problems that you need to solve?
Why do you refer to my relationship as a rebellion? Who am I rebelling against? Oh, I’m going against society’s laws of how relationships are meant to look like? People of different cultures and races can’t be together because… Well, I don’t know. Is it because apartheid made it illegal many years ago and even though the system ended, people’s mindsets were slow to adopt a different worldview?
And should you choose to play the “different culture” card, what exactly are you talking about? Culture is a way of life which is constructed by humans and can be changed through human agency, so why use that as a stumbling block to fall in love with whomever you choose?
Besides, learning other cultures is great. Why live life in your own bubble, which is devoid of a full human experience? Once you eventually decide to leave your bubble, you’ll realize that there’s not much difference between people. Language, cuisine and religion can be learned if that’s what you mean by “vast” differences.
What exactly do you mean when you say that you think my partner seems like a nice person, but you can’t wrap your head around the whole thing? I believe you mean that you can’t wrap your head around your prejudice that prevents you from seeing people as human beings first before all other man-made differences.
“I’m just warning you; the relationship is going to be a lot more difficult”, they say when trying to give me a “heads up” on what to expect. By a lot more difficult, you mean that you’re going to give me hard time because of your prejudice.
Is my partner “woke”, you ask? Well, are you?
If your mental attitude is one of discrimination on the basis of colour or any other differences, placing value or the lack of on people because of their differences and constantly striving to appease the ideals of a flawed society, then you are not “woke”.
“What about your children?” they ask. “How are they going to be raised?” Well, they will be raised to love themselves and to respect people, just to name a few. And off-course, they will know about their rich heritage. By asking me about my kids, you’re assuming that they’ll be confused about their identity because they won’t know which box to tick on application forms that are still reflective of the apartheid classifications of “black”, “white”, “coloured”, “Indian”, “Asian” or “other”.
But, if I may, are you against my relationship because I’m in love with a white woman?