Why I Called Off My Engagement

I love you.

You mean the world to me.

I care for your wellbeing more than my own.

My heart rejoices when I see you smile.

But you’re slowly slipping through my fingers,

As I gradually loosen my grip on you.

Loving you feels natural,

But loving you is burdening.

Loving you provides me with companionship,

But loving you is draining.

 

You turned me into your God,

And I didn’t resist,

Because it felt good to know that you needed me so much.

But now, you are a load that is too heavy to carry.

I suffocate with the responsibility to validate you as a man,

To give you purpose,

To quench your thirst for meaning,

To liberate you from your fears,

To deem you worthy.

 

My life has been the foundation from which you rebuilt yourself,

My life has been the home that you returned to after a long day,

My life has been the sacrifice for your happiness and success,

But now I lie empty, drained of all the life I had.

 

I love you,

But you are desertification to my soul.

I love you,

But I’ll be my fullest self without you.

I love you,

But I will be happiest without you.

I love you,

But you love me less.

 

I’m leaving you,

And I wish you all the best.

 

*image from Pixabay.

*Dailypost WordPress.

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12 thoughts on “Why I Called Off My Engagement

  1. This is why I LOVE blogging! Hehe I get to track my accurate thoughts and feelings at different seasons in my life. I noticed you linked my blog post about my first experience as a makoti. He he and I remember exactly how I felt a when I wrote that. Sigh I recently wrote
    https://nazeverblazing.wordpress.com/2016/11/24/please-leave/?iframe=true&theme_preview=true

    Which is certainly my updated thoughts on this culture. Can’t wait to see how I feel in years to come.

    1. Thanks for sharing that piece 🙂 It’s still so relevant. I actually wrote this piece based on my cousin’s wife, who’s currently going through this experience but isn’t too keen to walk away. I hope she finds the strength to walk away and find true and non-patriarchal love 🙂

  2. What an inspirational post. Your heretic decision stands as an example for women around the globe to stand up for their rights. You have given women courage and made them proud.

    1. Thanks so much. This story is actually based on an experience that a family member is going through, but won’t walk away from. I wrote this hoping that she finds the strength to stand up for herself 🙂

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