ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF MY GIRLFRIEND

I was in an emotionally abusive relationship, and thank God that I’m alive to tell the tale of the worst 4 years of my life.

I attempted suicide about 3 months after I ended the relationship because I was ashamed. It’s not often that a man admits to being abused by his girlfriend because masculine discourse and social expectations won’t allow it.

But I was, and I feel like shit because of it.

crying-depressed-man-abuse-mental-health-google-image

I really didn’t see it coming because when I met her, she was such a sweet person. She was really fun to be with, very supportive of me and quite romantic. I thought that I had found the one, and I thought that she would be my wife in 3 or 4 years.

During our first year of dating, I liked that she took initiative in our relationship with our dates and even intimate moments. It made her happy when she had her way and when she felt like she was always right, so I just went with the flow.

In the second year of our relationship, we moved in together, and at first it was cool. We would disagree about small things like chores and the toilet seat up versus down, and I thought that was normal because people that live together will always grumble.

She started calling me “stupid” and “idiot” when we would disagree on stuff, and when I flagged her behaviour, she would get more aggressive and blame it on me, saying that I bring out the worst in her and I was selfish for not taking her needs into consideration.

The amount of disrespect I was getting in the relationship was unbelievable now that I look at it in hindsight. No one should ever go through being humiliated and degraded in what is supposed to a loving relationship. She would give me the cold shoulder for weeks when we had disagreements, withholding love and affection, and she had a habit of locking me out of our apartment until I apologized to her, even when she was wrong.

She would go through my phone and hack into my social media profiles, deleting pictures that she didn’t like and unfriending or unfollowing people she disapproved of. She once threw away clothes of mine that she said were not decent enough for someone she was dating.

I felt offended because my privacy was violated, and when I talked to her about it, she told me that she loved me and was only trying to help me become a better person by removing “clutter” from my life. The whole thing didn’t sit well with me, but I let it go to prevent a temper tantrum from her.

I hated it when she made me the butt of all jokes in front of our friends and made it seem like I had no sense of humour when I confronted her about it. It’s like she went out of her way to embarrass me in public. And the worst was when she shared our private moments with our friends, knowing full well that I disliked it. After a while, I stopped going out with her, and I spent less and less time with my friends because all they’d want to do is talk about my relationship and how concerned they were about me.

Maybe her public embarrassment stunts were part of her plan to cause a drift between me and my friends. She never liked them, and somewhere down the line, she stopped talking to the few friends that she had. We were isolated, like a remote island far from any human contact.

I spent the rest of the relationship walking on egg shells because I didn’t know what to expect with her. She was incredibly unpredictable. One moment, she was happy and we were like a normal, loving couple, and without warning, she would just flip, becoming a beast. She would scream at me and throw stuff at me like we were in a bar fight.

I know that I should’ve ended the relationship much earlier, probably at the phase when she was calling me names, but I really loved her and I honestly believed that she cared about me and wanted what was best for me.  I wanted this relationship to work out because I was ready to start a family, and I wanted to do it with her.

What hurts the most is having to let go of the dream that she is a good person and can let go of all the bad stuff that she does, which would enable us to move on and be together. I know now that it’s not going to happen.

I’ve cut out all contact with her and I’ve moved to another city. I’m working through the shame, the self-doubt and the depression, and it’s difficult. I didn’t realize how deeply she chipped away at my soul with every negative word and action until after I survived my suicide attempt. I feel worthless as human being and as a man.

I hope that I’ll rise up from this and be happy again.

*image from Creative Commons.

*Dailypost WordPress and Discover Challenge.

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8 thoughts on “ABUSE AT THE HANDS OF MY GIRLFRIEND

  1. Reading this has made me tear. This type of relationship is what i have gone through for the past two years…but am still trying to get over him. Allow me to share my story:
    At first, when we met, he was the best guy I had ever met. He treated me right and i enjoyed being with him. After 6months down the line, we decided to move in together. I thought it was all good. But it all started being bad. He would flirt with other girls on phone and when I confront him about it, he would really get angry and then when I shout back and maybe just throw a pillow at him, which would hurt, he would physically abuse me…he would head me up and step on my back and kick me to my stomach or push me off the bed with his feet that one day I got my head on the floor really hard( thank God I was okay). One day, he hit on my eye leaving me with a black eye that I never went to work for 2weeks causing me to look my job. I still stuck in to it. He then cheated again, i found out, he started verbal abuses with the name calling and all. I still stuck in it… then recently, he did cheat again and he still calls me names and all… still abusing me when I tell him go doing me wrong…that go hurting me…

    It’s okay for a man to feel the same way you are feeling… it’s because you loved too much…and honestly, i do love too much and I let him take everything from me; self worth, self sense, self confidence… I also tried to attempt suicide at one point because I could not understand why someone I gave my all to would completely be that way to me….. why! It tore me apart. I belittled me and made me feel worthless…. theres no shame for a man to feel the way you feel Dear… love can make you forget about yourself…

    What advice I can give you that my parents gave me when i came back home is that; don’t ever let a human still your inside you… don’t ever let love for another human make you feel worthless because God says, love others as you love yourself… what me and you forgot was to love ourselves first. We loved our partners too much that we trusted and believed completely..

    Am happy that you were able to let go and move on. There’s no greater step than that. I did to.. yes, i hurt everydays. Buts its only for the better….

    Hang in there my dear friend. Everything will be okay. Believe and pray.. God saved you from your suicide because He knew you are stronger than that. And there’s a reason for everyone who comes your path.. always! You live and learn.. Hang in there!

    LOVE. DOREEN!

    1. Wow Doreen, this is so hectic 😞 I’m glad you’re ok and are able to tell your story, which will help others in the same situation. Your heart will heal because God loves you ❤️❤️

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