I attended my boyfriend’s wedding today.
It was a beautiful ceremony. He looked so happy as his bride walked down the aisle in her cascading, lace and crystal white dress.
I stood at the back of the entrance of the gold and white decorated chapel that overlooked an evergreen lush garden where the ceremony was taking place, emotionally brutalized at what I was witnessing.
In the 2 years that we were together, why didn’t he tell me that he was seeing someone else?
Why didn’t he tell me that he didn’t love me?
With every step that the bride takes towards my man, and with every tear he drops looking at her walk towards him, the life that I shared with him flashes before my eyes.
After we met at a friend’s wedding, we were inseparable. We loved watching the sun set as we sat close to the lake. We would chat for hours about our lives and our aspirations. He was reconciling with his father during the first few months of our relationship after being abandoned by him when he was 4 years old.
He had just completed building a house for his mother at the end of our first year together. It was a difficult process for him, dealing with finances and finding honest contractors, but I was there with him, supporting and encouraging him all the way.
I was there at his celebration ceremony when he was announced as the new CEO at his company. He called me to join him on stage, saying that I was the rock that inspired him to work hard to achieve his dreams. I was never more proud of him in that moment, and I never felt more loved and appreciated by him, to experience him acknowledge that he was becoming a better man because of me. It was never easy loving a man who spent his entire life in hard strife to prove to his father that he was worth loving.
I knew he had a weak spot for the ladies. In fact, he was dating someone else when we met, but I was so charmed by his charisma and striking good looks that I didn’t care who he was seeing, as long as he gave me a piece of his heart and attention. I was more than willing to snub the relationship he had with the ‘other woman’ to have him in my life.
He was a good listener and always provided a shoulder to cry on, saying all the good things that put a smile on my face. He was also very sociable and popular, something quite attractive about him. I loved it when he slung me on his arm, introducing me to his friends and the social elite of Johannesburg. I loved being adored by those who adore him.
As of late, he started to change.
He started sending me roses, diamond pendants and gift vouchers accompanied by an excuse of why he couldn’t meet me or come over to my place. Or he would tell me that he’s out of town. When he did give me the time of day, his kisses were cold and he was distant, almost consumed with covering up the truth behind his change in affection.
I complained endlessly to my friends, but all they could tell me was that the good 2-year ride of dating the hottest guy in town was over. I couldn’t bear to believe it.
It started out as a ride for me, but along the way, I fell in love with him. He knew how I felt about him, and I was overjoyed when he told me that he loved me more than anything in the world and that one day, we would get married and start a family.
I couldn’t understand why he was slipping away from me and was doing nothing to save us. I didn’t hear from him these last two weeks.
He didn’t call or text me, and he didn’t even send me a bouquet of flowers letting me know that he’s sorry about not being able to spend time with me. I let it slide, thinking that maybe he needs space to figure out what he wants out of our relationship. But all that time, I was petrified that I had lost him.
I was going crazy, calling his friends asking about his whereabouts only to be told ‘I don’t know.. Try calling him’ and going to his workplace only to be told that he hasn’t been at work as of late. How dare he walk out on me like a coward, without saying a word? I swore that when he finally decided to emerge from hiding, I would unleash my wrath on him and make him sorry for abandoning me just like his father did to him.
This morning, I got a call from a good friend of mine, Busi. She told me to make my way to The Wedding Space, a beautiful wedding venue which I wanted to have my garden wedding at one day.
I just got here, and I can’t believe what I’m seeing.
Zinzi, my best friend, the one that he was seeing before I got into a relationship with him, the one I had no qualms with betraying for him, was walking down the aisle towards him, towards my man.
I thought it was over between them.
I thought he chose me over her.
Clearly I’m the fool for ever believing that he truly loved me and for trading in my friendship of 14 years for a mere 2 years with him.
* image from Pexels.