Secrets are horrible. There is absolutely nothing good about them.
Lately I’ve realized that people keep secrets because they fear that the truth, usually of what they’ve done, will wreck everything that they’ve worked hard for in the lives, including relationships, family, career and their respectability with their loved ones.
I know that I keep secrets of things that I’ve done that I shouldn’t have done because I’m afraid of being judged by those closest to me. The last thing I need when my conscience is constantly reminding me of my sins is for those who are close to me to jump on the condemnation bandwagon.
And honestly, I’m also afraid of letting the secret in question out because I fear that it will jeopardize the relationships I have with my loved ones, especially if what I’ve done affects them in any way.
So, this got me thinking about how people deal with secrets, and based on personal experience and the experiences of others, I’d say that people deal with secrets in the following three ways:
Most people will deny the existence of an event ever happening, and will therefore work hard to push it out of the conscience. Sometimes this works, but most of the time, the secret creeps up in weird ways like through dreams, and it starts eating away at your life because you spend so much time trying to push away the events that led to the secret. Denial is definitely a soul devourer.
This is the most common method of dealing with secrets, and I do this most of the time. Mentally, I won’t deny that the event occurred, but because I fear the repercussions of telling the truth, I simply zip my mouth and deal with the fiasco internally. I must say that keeping quiet is quite a torment because of all the guilt and shame that rises up if I feel bad about what I’ve done.
But I do think that sometimes keeping quiet isn’t all that bad, especially if you know that what you did was a dumb mistake which will never be repeated again and doesn’t put you or anyone close to you in jeopardy. We make mistakes all the time; some significant and life-wrecking and others nonsensical and small. The latter is what should be kept from external knowledge if it doesn’t harm anyone.
I realized that this is the best way to deal with secrets. It needs a large degree of backbone because laying your mistakes out there for those close to you to see is not easy. You could lose them completely or they could afford you some grace and forgive you.
The best thing about confessing is that your secret will no longer have a hold on you and you’ll be free to continue living your life, and you will have learned from your mistakes. But usually, the question that pops up in my mind when I’m faced with confession is ‘am I really ready to be transparent and stand a chance of losing the love and respect of the person that I’ve hurt who’s dear to me?’
Confession is difficult.
At the end of the day, secrets have no benefits; it’s simply our own human instincts of covering up messes that we’ve made that bring the darkness of secrets to life.
Can humans really live a secret-free life? I really wonder…
*image from weheartit.com