I’m starting to feel real tired at constantly doing the right thing.
Ever since I can remember, I’ve always been concerned with living by the book and always following the rules fearing that if I don’t, I would be struck by lightning in the form of dishonour for not doing what is right.
I guess it’s not a bad thing to always do the right thing. The world would be such a better place if people knew the real value of doing the right thing to ensure the betterment of the next person. The real value of selflessly doing what’s right comes into play when those close to you stand to lose or benefit from the decisions you make that ultimately affect them.
But as of late, I’ve become tired at always doing the right thing and feeling as though I’m swimming against a very heavy current because I don’t to place a foot wrong.
I’ve had to fight off feelings I’ve had for a dear friend of mine because he’s already in a relationship. I’ve had to pretend that I only love him as a friend, even though deep down inside I would love nothing more than to be with him because he’s the man I feel I’ve been looking for.
But I have to step back and consider the fact that I don’t want him to cheat on his partner because he doesn’t deserve the devastation that cheating causes. Stepping back is doing the right thing.
And what about always making sure that I do the right thing when it comes to my relationship with God?
He’s been nothing but good to me and deserves all the goodness that I can possibly give, but I’m getting tired of living according to the book.
I’m getting tired of being patient with regards to my dreams and aspirations coming to life even though I’ve been working hard at them. I’m tired of being faithful; of being single and celibate and of being so loving and caring.
Sometimes I feel like I need a break from being loving and compassionate just to recuperate, chill out and have no emotional responsibilities towards anyone.
I could throw in the towel and do as I please without thinking twice about anyone or anything, but in the end, I’ll have to live with the consequences of my decisions. And if they’re bad, will I be able to live with them and forgive myself for hurting those I love?
I was told by a wise man to stop worrying so much about life and to start living it, taking it day by day. And the Bible does say that God’s grace is sufficient enough for me, so I guess that I should learn to live and stop stressing about whether I’m doing the right thing or not.
And that’s exactly what I’m doing; learning to live day by day.
*image from weheartit.com