Am I the only 20-something year old who feels like the 20’s have so far been the most confusing time in life?
It has so far been a rollercoaster ride with scary lows and exhilarating highs.
When I was a teenager, I looked forward to growing up because of the freedom that I perceived from the young adults around me, but little did I know that freedom comes with hardcore growth and many responsibilities.
During my final year at varsity, adulthood finally dawned upon me when I realized that I had to get a job and get started on building a career. I was an Arts Honours graduate with student debt, unanswered internship applications and no idea on what I wanted to do.
I eventually landed an internship,which completely turned my understanding of the working world upside down. Being a professional is difficult, and I sometimes feel like I’m drowning in the race of proving myself to my bosses because competition is rife.
I had to move back home after varsity because I couldn’t yet afford to live on my own. This was awkward because I hadn’t lived with my parents for 4 years since graduating from high school. They didn’t know what to do with me either because I was now a kidult, which was something that was completely foreign to me and them.
A spanner in the works was thrown when I realized that a rift had formed between my friends and me. I’ve never worked this hard to keep friendships afloat, and I’ve never felt so distanced from friends like I have lately. We’re all working and living in different parts of Johannesburg and the country, so we don’t see each other often. My friendship circle is a lot smaller now as most relationships fizzled out, leaving only a few, which I am grateful for.
This was quite a shock as I thought that the friends I made in varsity will be with me forever, and I felt like an orphan for a while. However, this forced me to get out of my comfort zone and to meet new people, forming new relationships along the way. This was both daunting and exciting, but I still find myself feeling lonely because these new people don’t really know me well.
Logging onto social media gives me heart palpitations because everybody is either in a relationship, married or a parent. Everybody is traveling to grand destinations and thriving in their careers, while I’m trying to keep it together with my low-paying job, mountains of debt, piles of chores to do because I’m living at home and no boyfriend in sight.
Am I doing something wrong? I feel like I’m being left behind.
Heartbreak is a lot more difficult to deal with. A failed relationship that would take 3 months to get over takes close onto a year, and it feels like hell, as if I’ve being emotionally beaten to a pulp. Dating is also a mission because people aren’t looking for anything serious. I’m not saying that I want to get married, but I don’t want to run around aimlessly not knowing where I stand with someone. Being single is just too difficult, especially now that I can’t just run to my friend’s dorm room to binge-watch TV series and talk about boys.
My sex drive is driving me crazy. I literally want to have sex all the time.
I’m always partying, which is great because I have lots of fun, but all the junk food and alcohol sprees seem to be catching up with me because I’m gaining weight, fast.
I hope that I’ll eventually settle into myself and that life will start making sense. I do believe that I’ll survive this period, and that there’s so much more in store for me in all areas of my life. This excites me to bits!
So viva la 20’s! Let’s rock out and have fun, but please do be gentle with me.
*image from YouTube.