Society has a romanticized idea of mother-daughter relationships.

When you think of a mother-daughter relationship, you often picture a little girl playing dress up with her mom or spending Sunday afternoons baking cookies with her mom. As the little girl becomes a young woman, her mom becomes her best friend and they’re inseparable.

These are all valid as some mother-daughter relationships are as fantastic as this, but difficult mother-daughter relationships that are plagued with conflict and a sense of not being loved do exist.


My mother had me when she was 19 . My father was with us while I was still toddler. I know this because of the few pictures I saw in an old photo album that was buried deep in my mother’s “stuff” cupboard.

I learned from family members that my father left my mom for another woman, and since then, she chose to remain unmarried and didn’t have any more kids.

Growing up under her care was a nightmare. She often spent days away from home, leaving me hungry, dirty and alone. When she was home, she would act like I don’t exist, and when I tried to get her attention, she would become verbally and sometimes physically abusive. She eventually left me at my grandmother’s house during the December holidays when I was 6, under the guise that she would fetch me just before school re-opened, but she never came, until I was 12.

Our tumultuous relationship began when I lived with her at the start of my teen years. The abuse worsened, and she often threatened to throw me out into the streets if I failed to obey her rules.

She drank heavily, and I’m surprised that she didn’t end up pregnant because of all the men she dated. Some of them occasionally slept over at our house. It’s a miracle that none of them touched me, because at the rate at which my mother seemed to hate me, she would’ve turned a blind eye to any of them abusing me.

Why did she hate me so much?

She was supposed to love me immensely and protect me. The reward centre of her brain was supposed to light up when she merely stared at me, but that wasn’t the case.

It turns out that I embody her disappointment, failure and pain, which is the failed relationship with my father. She wasn’t prepared care for a child by herself, so I was also the source of her emotional and financial struggle.

Maybe she really did love me and but felt inadequate of motherhood. Perhaps being a single mom and a poor, black woman, constantly fight to prove herself worthy to the world while dealing with the pain of having her family destroyed by a man who refused to love and respect her, added to her frustrations which she then took out on me.

If she took the time to know me, she would know that I’m not a product of a failed relationship, but a fantastic human being that could add joy to her life.

*image from Made In Atlantis.

*Dailypost WordPress.



  1. A difficult story to tell, when we are unable to find answers to what we seek in the people who are set as our examples. I am glad that you found the strength to “confront” your mother on the issue and that it resulted in an improving relationship. And I hope the learning from this experience is helping you to become the woman you wish to be.

  2. Love this post. Unfortunately, not all mothers are the first type. This happens so often. It’s important to address. I am sorry that you have to reflect on your relationship this way. I’m sure you are a beautiful person. Focus on the people who realize that ❤

  3. some people constantly blame others for their mistakes, and no matter who we try to become to please them they choose to never accept. unfortunatley sometimes those people are the ones that we expect to love us unconditionally. I have come to understand that because there is evil things like this will always happen, unfortunately it is called life. The important take away is through all that has gone on beauty has still been able to arise and bitterness has not taken it hold on you. may God continue to bless you and your light continue to shine to inspire others that whatever the circumstances they too can rise up and be the best version of themselves.

  4. I am really sad to hear that there are actually bad “MOTHER-DAUGHTER RELATIONSHIP” I have a great relationship with my mam, and I wish for everyone to have the same, because our mams are our best friends and it’s important to know that 🙂 But, thanks a lot for your article 🙂

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