Empty … heartbroken …
I can’t put my finger on what I’m feeling right now as I lay on my bed, ironically in a room so warm from the sunlight that melts through the window. I never thought that I would end up being in a rebound relationship that was meant to have no strings attached, only to end up falling in love with you.
Falling for you never crossed my mind, even though I considered you to be an incredible person with the sweetest, most thoughtful heart.We had a great friendship, and I really enjoyed your company.
Then one, cool autumn night, while the stars were dancing in the black-velvet sky, creating a perfectly romantic atmosphere, you pulled me closer to you and kissed me. It started off strangely for us because of our friendship, but the affection and passion that flowed through our bodies pushed aside all inhibitions.
I knew what we were going into wasn’t the brightest of ideas, but I didn’t want to stop it from happening.
Time went on, and so did we, and with time, I started falling in love with you.
Or so I thought.
I started falling in love with the intimacy and affection you were giving me, and I wanted more from you. I wanted exclusivity with you, and so yesterday, with all my fear of rejection and a need to express my feelings for you, I laid my heart bare and told you how I felt about you.
My glimmer of hope turned into darkness when you said that you can’t be with me because you’re still in love with her.
I was devastated to hear that she still has the affections of your heart. But at the same time, I felt silly for thinking that our random encounter and awkward casual dating could turn into something more meaningful.
To make it worse, things between us haven’t been great. You’ve distanced yourself from me, and you’re cold and almost unkind towards me. I’m even afraid to engage in small talk for fear of that awkward silence that creeps up.
I should let you go, but I’m not yet ready to walk away from feeling loved and needed, even if it’s for a little while. I know you feel the same way too because I made you forget her for a moment and experience a bit of happiness.
Don’t you see?
We work because we numb each other’s pain. You save me from my loneliness and I rescue you from the sting of heartbreak. We’ve got a good thing going, just for now.
I’ll let go of the prospect of us being together if it means that we can continue with our companionship because I don’t want to lose you.
Will you come over tonight? I’d love to see you…
*image from Creative Commons.