We live in a microwave society that expects everything to be churned out in seconds at our convenience.

Unfortunately, when it comes to dating, the microwave theory gets a bit tricky because emotions are involved.

I believe that casual dating is partly a result of the microwave theory of social life, but it’s also a result of people running away from relationships because they’ve been hurt.


I’ve tried casual dating a couple of times, and each time I failed at it because I’m the type of person that wears their heart on their sleeve and I seek a real connection from relationships. I still believe in love and I still have faith that I will experience it.

One thing that I hate about casual dating is that it’s emotionally fucked up. I invest time, energy and emotions (which shouldn’t be the case with casual dating but is because I’m a human being) into a relationship, only to be expected not to fall in love with the person I’m dating. It’s expected that I switch off all emotion and think about the relationship in pragmatic terms, which is near impossible especially if you genuinely like the person.

I love hard, and that’s just the way it is. I find it difficult to play in the grey area. It’s either we’re in a proper relationship with love and commitment, or we’re friends.

I also find it ridiculous that I must be intimate and vulnerable with someone who wants nothing much to do with me. I want things to be meaningful, and I want to feel safe enough to completely be myself, and casual dating does not offer this.

It’s difficult for me to just use someone for my own satisfaction. Casual dating is about taking what you need when you need it, and I genuinely care. I can’t be selfish to the point where I just take from someone for my own liking.

Casual dating is emotionally draining because of the many terms and conditions attached to it. A whole new social code that includes how to act in public, when to call and things you can and can’t talk about pops up, and the rules change by the minute. I believe that my love life should be a relaxed space that’s free of complications. Life is already riddled with complications and I don’t need to add more to my life.

I know that people say that casual dating works for those who are not looking for a serious relationship, but honestly it does more harm than good. Humans are fundamentally emotional beings, meaning that you can’t turn your emotions on and off as you please, so perhaps casual dating is a bluff and an excuse to use someone to satisfy your own needs.

Maybe take time to be single and enjoy a relationship-less life. Remember that nothing hollow can ever fill you up.

*image from We Heart It.

*Dailypost WordPress.



  1. External validation is a bitch yeah!
    Why place so much importand on the opinion and affection from another person, effectively giving THEM power to affect your mood, behaviour and life in negative ways?
    Love yourself sisters, and I mean really appreciate EVERY SINGLE THING about yourselves holistically to develop a very strong sense of self worth: that way you won’t have to sell yourselves short, lower your standards nor take any and all bullshit from guys still playing the fool or too emotionally immature to sustain a committed romantic relationship with you.
    Lang kwatisa sometimes with your tjatjaraag tendencies weitsie!

  2. Casual dating drained me and my heart was broken in million pieces way too often! I then read “I kissed dating goodbye” by Joshua Harris and that changed my life. While it was a bit extreme at times, it was life-changing. Great post you wrote, I agree enjoy singleness or any season you are at.

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