While browsing through online publications, I bumped into a story about Demi Moore opening up about her divorce from Ashton Kutcher.
What struck me about her story was her admission that the one thing she feared the most was not being worthy of love following the breakup of her marriage. Outsiders might look at this and think that she is crazy for believing that she won’t find love again, but to her, this fear was real and deeply felt.
Fear is a natural primitive response to danger, whether real or perceived, and it has a way of shaping our thoughts about the world and our responses to situations.
Fear also makes its way into dating people devise ways to protect themselves against heartbreak. If you’ve ever experienced the pain of a breakup, you’ll do everything in your power to prevent going through another experience of it.
Women are not immune to dating fears, and although there are thousands of fears that vary from person to person, here are common ones that women grapple with.
When a break-up occurs, women tend to feel like they’re not worthy of love.They will hide behind keeping busy with whatever they can get their hands on, or they’ll get into relationships where they’re mistreated and disrespected.
A breakup will temporarily make you feel unloved because the person you loved decided to walk away from you. Instead of running from the hurt, it’s important to deal with it and allow your heart to heal. It’s also important to surround yourself with people who will affirm you and to believe that you are loved and cared for.
The fear of being cheated on or having your partner choose another love interest over you is another one that sends women running from relationships. It’s difficult to be vulnerable with someone knowing that there’s a possibility of them deciding that you’re not the person that they want to be with.
Everybody fears rejection, but don’t let it hold you back from pursuing a relationship. Rather take things slow and communicate your feelings, intentions and expectations with the person you’re seeing, and ask them to do the same with you so that you know what you’re getting yourself into.
The fear of not being “woman enough” for your man is something that women face at least once in their dating life. This is a result of social and cultural perceptions of what it means to be an attractive woman in order to keep a man. These cultural expectations will tell that having too much career ambition will render you romantically unavailable, or that you need to be skinny or curvy, depending on the man’s preference.
Firstly, your life has nothing to do with pleasing a man, and secondly, there’s no such thing as being “woman enough”. If somebody doesn’t love and accept you as you are, then it’s their loss.
Be aware of your fears and confront them head on so that you don’t remain prisoner to them. There are sincere people out there who will genuinely love you.
*image from Your Tango.